Ryder Becomes a Farmer


Ryder:This is the spot. CJ:Shit! You crazy! You wanna rob a betting shop? Ryder: Yeah Man, you say you’re down for the homies but all you do is complain. CJ: Fuck you,Ryder! Ryder: Same ol’ CJ. Buster! Straight Buster! CJ: Gee,thanks. G Ryder: Man we gonna hit em’ up for everything they got. CJ: Are we up for this? Ryder: Come on, CJ. We can empty the place. CJ: Yeah. Fo sho’, I’m ready. Ryder: Come on. Ryder: Give up the money!
This a raid! CJ: Don’t even think about doin’ anything, motherfucker! I need some fucking money! Watchu lookin’ at? [Girl Screams] CJ: You got kids?
Think you a hero?! Ryder: Y’all ain’t got nothin’ better to do? [Girl Screams] CJ: You pushin’ me, mother fucker! [Girl Screams and Runs Away CJ: I just about had enough of your games. Ryder: Ayy! Easy, CJ! Easy! Guard: Sound the alarm! CJ: Oh shit! [Alarm goes off]
[Gun Shot x2] [Girl dies] CJ: Girl, I WARNED YOU! Ryder: Dayum! Shit! CJ, SHIT! CJ: Let’s get up outta here! Ryder: Run! Ryder: We need a ride.
Super fast. Get us a car. CJ: I’m on it. Dispatcher: Attention all units. Some psychos are robbing a bank in Downtown Los Santos. Cop1: Shiet! I just bought another donut. Don’t criminals have any consideration? Cop2: *Sigh* Waste of good donuts.Let’s Roll. [Police Siren] CJ: I’m having that. Ryder: I guess you drivin’, huh? CJ: Don’t take this the wrong way.
I like opening doors for ladies.
Get out. Ryder: Don’t hang around, CJ! Move! Drive, CJ, DRIVE! CJ: I’m on it! [Bank alarm in the background] [Police Siren] [Intense Chase Music Starts] Ryder: Say, CJ you gon’ crash the car again? CJ: What? Where’d that come from. Ryder: Seeing as you’re Mr.Driver and all. CJ: What? What is you talking about? Ryder:Try not to park us up a tree or something. CJ:I ain’t listening to you! Ryder:Watch the road,motherfucker!THE ROAD! *CJ and Ryder screaming like pussies* Ryder:Ah man,NO! *CJ and Ryder still screaming* CJ:Oh fuck,SHIT! Ryder:Oh nice work,CJ! Another classy piece of driving,huh? *Police siren in background* CJ:You dumb bastard,shermhead! Ryder:CJ,you’re a mark! Don’t ever bother a ride! Never! CJ:Whatever you say,BITCH! *Police Loudspeaker*:This is the Los Santos Police Department,stay where you are! Ryder:Oh, I’m OUTTA HERE! Police1:GO GO GO! CJ:What the FUCK? RYDER! LITTLE BITCH! Ryder:Sorry CJ,it’s every motherfucker for himself! CJ: RYDER, YOU SHERMHEAD! Police 3:Surprise,homeboy! *CJ screams like a bitch* Police 3:Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linnin’. CJ: Ryder! Buster! Ryder:TACTICAL RETREAT! Police 4:HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Ryder:DAMN!That was some serious shit! Ain’t one time and the Centrals never gonna catch this gangster fool! Man,i’m a fucking genius! Man,what’s this? Hold up fool! Pull over! Farmer:Hi there fella! Ryder:Hey man,kill that noise for a minute! Farmer:Hey there,i’m late for the donkey show! Ryder:Ryder needs YOUR ride, fool! Give me that vehicle! Farmer:Hey i was gonna offer you my sister! Ryder:What? Farmer: Why hell yeah! Ryder:That ain’t true! GET OUT THE DAMN CAR PUNK! I’m confiscating this vehicle! *Punch and drags out the hillbilly* AIYAA! Farmer:WOAH! Hey! Farmer:You sum’ bitch! Ryder:Later homie! *Farmer:I’m gonna spit on your grave asshole! JACKASS! *Pig grunting* Shoo, i love me some pig ass! *Folk country music playing* Ryder:Good afternoon! Hottie:Well hello sugar! Welcome to the last place on Earth! They call me “Desert Rose”! Ryder: I´m Ryder,nigga! Kung Fu Master! Grove Street OG´s fucking genius! Rose:What a man! Farmer:Yeah,a REAL cowboy! Farmer:Brother´s done all feeble minded. Cousin Jerry was born without a HEAD! (what the fuck?) Do this,do that. Little Johnny´s head was stuck in a Bible. Then sawed his own legs off. (That´s some creepy shit) Ryder: Shiiet! Hey what was we hollerin´ about? Farmer: Clean your ears boy! Ryder: Whatever. Damn, man you can smell a pussy a mile away!

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