The Psychology of Self-Transformation


The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation Henry David Thoreau made this remark over 150 years ago, however it is an observation that still rings true today Often this desperation is the product of nagging feelings that we are wasting our life Accompanied by the frustration that despite our desire to make something of ourselves the years passed by and nothing seems to change Phillips Brooks commented that those in this predicament feel the thing they ought to be beating beneath the thing they are if We ignore these feelings for too long Then we will remain forever haunted by what might have been in this video we will explore how we can escape from a life of quiet desperation and transform ourselves in a manner more conducive to a fulfilling existence We cannot change anything unless we accept it wrote Carl Jung the first step therefore is to acknowledge that a change in our way of life is needed an Easy way to determine how necessary it is for us to change is To take note of how often we are afflicted by feelings of regret, guilt, anxiety or depression Jung believed that in the overwhelming majority of cases Neurotic symptoms such as these are a direct result of an inadequate approach to life and act as signals communicating the necessity of change It seemed to Jung wrote Yolanda Jacobi in her book the way of individuation that the meaning of neurotic sufferings might consist in their compelling a man to come to terms with the foundation of his being and with the world and thereby to gain a better knowledge of his limits and possibilities Jung thus puts the emphasis on the prospective aspect Giving neuroses a positive meaning and not regarding it only as a burdensome illness according to him it can even act as a stimulus in the struggle for the development of the personality and be paradoxically a curative factor When troubled by these negative emotional states however most people choose to take the easy road Instead of changing their behaviors. They try to dull their feelings or flee from them if possible. They take drugs drink or distract themselves by pursuing mindless pleasures in the long run this only Exacerbates the problem and Jung offered a warning for those who choose this path We may think there is a safe road wrote Jung But that would be the road of death then nothing happens any longer at any rate not the right things Anyone who takes the safe road is as good as dead After accepting that change is needed the question becomes what type of change is most conducive to a fulfilling life in The mid 20th century the psychologist Abraham Maslow set out to answer this question unlike many of his colleagues who devoted most of their time to studying the mentally ill Maslow decided to do the opposite He chose to study those who excelled in life And this led him to an important discovery the healthiest and most flourishing among us are those who are motivated by trends to self-actualization, which Maslow defined as an ongoing actualization of potentials capacities and talents as fulfilment of a mission as a fuller knowledge of and acceptance of the person’s own intrinsic nature and as an unceasing trend toward unity Maslow was so convinced of the importance of self-actualization that he made the following bold pronouncement if You plan on being anything less than you are capable of being you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life But after years of stagnating years in which our bad habits and destructive behavioral patterns have solidified How can we become self actualizers, a quote of uncertain origins, but often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson? provides some direction So a thought and you reap an action so an act and you reap a habit so a habit and you reap a character So a character and you reap a destiny The first step is the thought and for those of us striving to live more fulfilling lives This entails the selection of an aim or purpose to our existence for as Maslow pointed out self actualizers are very much defined by a life mission and Making this selection people sometimes get tripped up into believing that this requires the determination of their true passion The problem with this approach is that it overlooks the fact that very often our passions follow the development of our skills Therefore if you are uncertain of where your passions lie it is unlikely you will discover them through thought alone Rather than delaying for too long it is far better to pick something challenging Which sparks your curiosity and not worry about whether it is the perfect choice? With that said the sowing of the thought or the selection of a goal will only be of positive Consequence if we reap the actions and build the better habits, which ultimately move us forward in the pursuit of our aims Having something to aim at is important not so much because of the external rewards achievement of the goal will bring But rather because of the transformation it forces us to undergo Pursuing a challenging goal requires us to leave our comfort zone as we develop new skills cultivate self-discipline and in the process Discover that we are not as helpless as we once thought The problem for many of us, however is that we struggle in moving from the sowing of the thought to the reaping of the actions? Often people blame their inability to take productive action on their anxiety depression fear or a lack of confidence in their abilities Before taking the actions necessary to pursue their aims such people reason perhaps They must first rid themselves of their negative emotions this however is an approach often doomed to fail These negative emotional states are by and large the result of faulty behavioral patterns and the avoidance of facing up to our fears and courageously taking on the challenges in our lives that would lead to personal growth meditation and introspection alone will never cure us of these feelings rather We must learn that we can take purposeful action even when we are feeling anxious depressed or fearful the importance of purposeful action as a cure for our troubled emotions is foundational to Morita therapy, a Japanese school of psychotherapeutic thought as David Reynolds a practitioner of the school explains Realign your life toward getting done what reality sends that needs doing in other words. We advise you to focus more on purposeful behavior Let the feelings take care of themselves what I think you will find is that when you get good at doing? what needs doing in your life the feeling stopped giving you such trouble and Even if your feelings become troublesome when you are involved in constructive activity they remain in perspective Feelings cease to be the whole show The ability to act even when we are not feeling up to it is one of the most distinguishing characteristics of self actualizers for as Thomas Huxley wrote perhaps the most valuable result of all Education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do when it ought to be done Whether you like it or not Furthermore as Maslow wrote in toward a psychology of being self actualizing does not mean a transcendence of all human problems Conflict, anxiety, frustration, sadness, hurt, and guilt can all be found in healthy human beings Therefore, it doesn’t matter who you are or what stage of life You are at negative emotions will always present themselves The question is do you have the courage to act in the face of these feelings or not Those who find such courage will live far better lives than those who cower in the face of their fears for his Emerson wrote do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain an Effective way to gain the necessary courage to act in the face of your fears is to reflect on the imminence of death The stoic philosopher suggested that those who become more aware of just how brief life is Will be far more likely to live in the most intense and courageous manner possible Striving to take advantage of each moment Steve Jobs who clearly a man of action recognized the power of this method Remembering that I’ll be dead soon. He stated is the most important tool. I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life Because almost everything, all external expectations all pride all fear of embarrassment or failure These things just fall away in the face of death leaving only what is truly important, remembering That you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose you are already naked There is no reason not to follow your heart but awareness of our approaching death is a double-edged sword if we delay too long in instituting the changes required to live a more fulfilling life and instead of striving to actualize our potential we fritter away our time then awareness of our mortality will give rise to nagging and increasingly intense feelings of guilt and regret We will have chosen the safe road, which Jung called the road of death And we will spend our remaining days fleeing from the fact that we are wasting our life in her book the way of individuation Yolanda Jacoby provides a warning of what can be expected for those who choose this path any Obstruction of the natural processes of development were getting stuck on a level unsuited to one’s age takes its revenge If not immediately then later at the onset of the second half of life in the form of serious crises nervous breakdowns and all manner of physical and psychic sufferings Mostly they are accompanied by vague feelings of guilt by tormenting pangs of conscience Often not understood in face of which the individual is helpless He knows He is not guilty of any bad deed he has not given way to an illicit impulse and yet he is plagued by uncertainty Discontent despair and above all anxiety a constant indefinable Anxiety and in truth he must usually be pronounced guilty His guilt does not lie in the fact that he has a neurosis But in the fact that knowing he has one he does nothing to set about curing it You

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  1. Become a Supporting Member and get access to exclusive videos: https://academyofideas.com/members/
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    If you’re looking for practical ideas to change your life, I recommend these two books:
    A Handbook for Constructive Living – David Reynolds – http://amzn.to/2ywak8y
    Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World – Cal Newport – http://amzn.to/2fBZRoa

  2. It occurred to me some time ago that men have been turned into passive-aggressive men for big ideas/worship rather than be led to live and make assertive decisions. They’ve been cheated big time.

  3. I have just recently turned thirty-one back in April. And from time to time I would have these sudden out pours of overwhelming sadness and madness. When I am home alone I'll lose myself and cry for no reason. Then laugh it off. Cry some more. Laugh it off.

    I have a decent job. Livable salary. A home. A wife. Working on children with her. Yet, there's this great void in my heart. Feels like a hole at times.

    I would have these dreams where I was alone in the ocean. Shrouded by darkness. No stars. No moonlight. Just me trying to keep my head above water yet calmly struggling underneath the surface.

    I am happy I stumbled upon this content this morning before I start my usual routine before going to work. It's comforting. And I thank you for that.

  4. I just discovered this channel and as someone who spends most of their time going through youtube videos I must say I’m very impressive. It’s now on my top 5 favorite channels

  5. This can be cured with money though. If a guy 50 yr hasn't done anything then wins the lotto as a billionaire. Hes happier than a clam.

  6. Yeah… all my life growing up I had my interests, but I always felt that 'purpose' hanging over me, combine that with constant solitude during my early stages in life and I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted my life to become… here I am today, realizing once again that life has moved forward and I'm just months away from beginning my 'Rebirth', my self transformation… my destiny I guess, more like a desire, all this time it felt so far away, and the next thing I knew, there it is… I'm glad I experienced all of this so early in my life, so now I'll know that not a single second is to be wasted.

    Even though I haven't done much to prepare myself for my inevitable fate, I know that in the end it will be me who decided to go through with it, that is what life is about… the adventure I chose will be my own to tell, not a regret I had always dreamed of, only to toss it aside like everything else I had for this moment… even if it feels so easy to do so to this moment in time.

  7. One part that is contradicting is that escaping the reality that something needs to change to address neurosis by drinking drugging and mindless activity he saw as bad however its not safe and in fact statistics has proven how it breeds actual death. In the next breath it is mentioned that playing it safe you might as well be dead. The latter sounds more like an opinion, theory, and popularism more than it perhaps also be a road to self actualization. I still have studied and subscribed to many of these scholars teaching s but not the contradiction how its phrased in this vid.

  8. This hits home, if this does not cause a shift in your behaviour, I don’t know what will. Got to go, I have work to do.

  9. This has come to my attention at the perfect time. I've had MH issues for around 10 years now, which has become a seemingly inescapable anxiety and agoraphobia. I genuinely believe that this is a moment of transformation for me.

  10. "You are young and life is long
    and there is time to kill today
    and then one day you find
    ten years have got behind you
    no one told you when to run
    you missed the starting gun…"

  11. I think that this is the most important and effective approach to life that I have discovered so far! I just wish that I had found it a lot earlier in life, as I have been despressed for most of it.

    My advice: accept things as they are – especially if you can't change them – and do something useful or interesting. That really does work, in my experience.

    Bon Voyage!

  12. Only ability leads to freedom. Prattle on, only the capability of being able to do what you want to be doing with your life will ever make you free.

  13. My friend has become one of those who has merely accepted his life isn’t what he wants it to be but does absolutely nothing to change it. Anyone have any advice for him?

  14. What a treasure you are. Thank you for your invaluable videos. Clearly I will have to listen to it a couple times to absorb all the gems 💎 of wisdom therein.

  15. I felt I have great memories and have been living the best life possible but recently I have been thinking it was all a sort of dream in a way and have doubts…but the important thing is too pick yourself up and stay strong live each moment like its the last love and cherish and maY God be with you!!!

  16. There's all this 'transgender' BS getting pushed, but what about 'transforming' to
    a more gendered version of one's gender, i.e. becoming a manlier man, or a more womanly woman, would that be okay? Would that be SJW/NGO-supported, government subsidized?

  17. I very much enjoy your channel, great contents… Very philosophical. I do have a few question. How does one fix something he or she has no control over. Let us take anxiety for example. And how can one turn his / her life around, and is it insanity to dream about grants there are dann near impossible?

  18. Oh no. Steve Jobs told himself every day that he'd be dead soon – and he was.

    My sister would always say, "Life sucks … and then we die." Her son was born blind, deaf, with seizures and cerebral palsy. At 26, she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. They both suffered terribly and died.

    If you are going to tell yourself something over and over … please send yourself positive and healthy messages.

  19. Through indoctrination we have failed to see the Earth for what it truly is.Mankind itself fights to climb the corporate ladder without ever taking notice of the spiritual ladder which bears much fruit. Remain neutral in all things taking neither side the authorities that have enslaved us count on us taking sides they know a House divided cannot stand.

  20. I agree that this would be helpful to most, but for some I can see how this would be less than helpful. For few answers can only really be found through true introspection. And for those whose ideals fall so far from societal norms' finding those answers can sometimes be necessary if they wish to achieve full acceptance of the self. For those people a mindfulness of feelings and emotions and the ways in which they can be processed can be much more healthy than letting them 'take care of themselves'. For the people who are constantly told that they overthink things compared to others; but a lack of answers and self-assuredness is what drives them to despair.

  21. Audio quality could be better. Better mic, slower pace (at some moments I didn't have time to listen and process the information)

  22. Bold statement on meditation. Indeed meditation does not get rid of anything, not a pesticide. What it does is to let the being get hold of everything. Freedom might be thought to be the choice, but how can you choose when you only see a fraction of paths? Freedom is not choosing, freedom is becoming what we are.

  23. People fail to realize that even the mere thought about our meaningless existence, can throw us off the track and send us down a negative depression spiral. It takes a lot of mental toughness to cope with existential anxiety. And one more thing, in every group of people, in every sport, profession or simply whatever men do, there are only few winners and a whole lot of losers. It`s a law of nature. We`re fully aware whether we`re capable of doing something extraordinary or not. And if think you`re one of those special type of individuals, don`t waste your time ! You`re unique ! Be tough and do absolutely everything to achieve success ! Your star will shine ! Believe me ! This is a warning – " Do not will anything beyond your power: there is a bad falseness in those who will beyond their power.
    Especially when they will great things! For they awaken distrust in great things, these subtle false-coiners and stage-players:— Until at last they are false towards themselves, squint-eyed, whited cankers, glossed over with strong words, parade virtues and brilliant false deeds. Take good care there, ye higher men! For nothing is more precious to me, and rarer, than honesty. Is this today not that of the populace? The populace however knoweth not what is great and what is small, what is straight and what is honest: it is innocently crooked, it ever lieth. " – Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche.

  24. while I adore these videos , I often find it hard to get past the odd cadences of the narrators voice. Perhaps changing it up by using someone elses voice occasionally?

  25. So once acknowledging your own neurosis you are sentenced to applying the curative action or face the deterioration of self esteem, self worth and any real sense of important accomplishment. A type of self inflicted cognitive dissonance? Anxiety for sure will be a constant companion until you resolve this issue of self sabotage.

  26. "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. And go to their graves with the song still
    in them."–Henry David Thoreau
    My version:

    Most MARRIED men lead lives of quiet desperation. And go to their graves with the song still in them.

    How can they pursue their interests, and strive toward spirituality while putting up with the incessant demands, nagging, and fault-finding of married life? Deny this all you want. But deep down, you know that this is true. Great quote by Emerson about habit.

    “Keep the faculty of effort alive in you by a little gratuitous exercise every day. Do every day or two, something for no other reason than that you would rather not do it. The hell to be endured hereafter is no worse that the hell we make for ourselves in this world by habitually fashioning our characters in the wrong way.” .–"The Principles of Psychology", Vol 53, Chap IV Habit, William James, page 82 in “Britannica Great Books”

    I feel that the content of this video would apply only to men, and not to women. Woman are concerned only about present events; they are unable to conceive or consider anything beyond the next 5 minutes. I have never met a woman who is capable of deep thought or contemplation. Another thing that most refuse to admit, is that on a psychological basis, men and women are incompatible. There can be no useful communication between a man and a woman. The relationship between a man and a woman is more of an adversarial relationship than that of mutual love and tolerance. Yet men "go to their graves with the song still in them".

    I found this in my notes:

    Great video  Time And Tide Wait For No Man -MGTOW    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HJbEKH1fKE 

    Maslow's Theory of Self Actualization Re-written for MGTOW.

    MGTOW–Men Going Their Own Way

  27. Spot on as usual!!
    Everything that you guys present is the full and harsh truth.. I love it and it helps me greatly.. thanks for putting these truths out there I personally really appreciate it!!!

  28. Just imagine what would happen and what kind of wonderful world this would be if everyone had the guts and the ability to live according to the Tennants set out in these videos.🤔

  29. It’s pretty clear that the presenter has never suffered from severe depression or anxiety. No offense, but he would not be so certain of himself, so smarmy, if he had suffered from debilitating despair. Yes, we must be strong and enact our will to transform ourselves, but there is no acknowledgement in this talk of difficulty or vulnerability.

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